Sacrifice

            The cold air bit at 8 year old Alexa’s nose. Her cheeks were already rosy and her teeth clattered. Vasiliy, her father, kept his arm around her in hopes of giving her some warmth. Alexa’s mother Natalya had died when Alexa was only 3. The pair had been living in the streets ever since. They lived in poverty, but Vasiliy still did absolutely everything he could to make Alexa as happy as possible. They stopped at the first store they saw and walked in, not looking to buy anything but seeking a working heater. The bell jingled when they walked through the door, and the young girl at the counter looked up at them. She smiled and greeted them, and continued reading her book. Vasiliy held Alexa’s hand as she wandered through the store, looking at everything with her big brown eyes. “We’re not in here to buy anything,” he reminded her. Alexa nodded and used her hand to wipe the snot off her top lip. It broke Vasiliy’s heart to tell her she can’t have something, but didn’t offer for her to pick something out. Everything they owned was on them at all times, because they didn’t own much. Vasiliy had a total of $175 in his shirt pocket underneath his coat. That was supposed to last them until he’s able to find another job where he’d be paid in cash. Alexa kept gazing at all the beautiful toys and children’s clothing lining all the shelves and racks in the store, but she didn’t dare ask for anything. Before heading out, Vasilily saw something that caught his eye. He couldn’t help himself, he reached over and picked it off the shelf. It was a small giraffe figurine. Tears filled his eyes and he clutched the giraffe in his right hand. He rubbed his rough callused finger over the giraffe’s face, and looked down at Alexa. She stared up at him, with a very confused look on her face. Vasiliy gently smiled at his daughter and handed her the giraffe, and then some cash. “Go buy it,” he said, with a weak smile on his face. She bit her lip in order to contain all her joy as she skipped to the cashier.

            The giraffe was paid for, and Alexa’s heart was filled with joy. Until she realized that something was off. Why had her father bought this?  “Why did you buy this, papa?”  He smiled at her again and began telling her a story about her mother. “When I first met your mother, she was obsessed with giraffes,” he choked back a sob, but continued. “She had a giraffe painting in her bed room, and at least 3 dozen giraffe stuffed animals and figurines laying around her room,” he glanced down at the recently bought figure. Alexa’s small hands clutched on to it as if her life depended on it. Vasiliy adjusted her hat, to make sure the cold air didn’t reach her ears, and resumed with his story. “And when we first started dating, I bought her a giraffe toy,” he pointed at the one in Alexa’s hands, “one that looked exactly like that.” His voice cracked as he came towards the end of his story. “But when I gave it to her, she threw her head back and laughed. I asked her why she was laughing, and her response made ME throw my head back and laugh.” Vasiliy smiled at the memory, “She said that she has at least 3 more just like it. Her friends forget which kind he has and doesn’t have, and repeatedly buy her the same one.” Vasiliy smiled again and looked down at Alexa. “Let this giraffe be reminder to you, of who your mother was and how great we have it despite how bad everything is for us.”

Now, this story needs a sappy ending but I don’t have the time to write a whole book, so let’s fast forward, Of course her father, Vasiliy, had managed to find a stable job and find a small apartment for them to live in. He enrolled Alexa at a school, and everything started getting better for them, blah blah. Anyway, so she’s now 23, and just like her mom, she has a room full of giraffe toys and figurines. Including the one her father had bought her 15 years ago. The point is, even if we have it really bad, spending several dollars on your kid won’t completely kill you. And if you persevere and keep trying, things to get better. Also giraffes are cool.

I am

I Am

I am…

the youngest of 5 kids, always looking up to my older sisters as if they are 3 extra moms

running around barefoot in the California heat, not caring about anything

visiting friends in Missouri until we finally move here too

my dad, who defends me whether or not I’m right, but then still makes sure I know what I did wrong and improve

nineteen chickens and my dog Juliet out in the backyard

my family, who taught me to put God first and family second, but still above everything else

I am…

laughing with Versaviya, Sabrina, and Alex about the smallest things until our insides ache

scary movies and cuddling with Anna and Christina

Viktor, who I’m going to marry one day because he was in my family photos and has no way out

Dutch Bros and juicy gossip on a cold Portland night

a bonfire with my closest friends, and spilled secrets

late night adventures that would later become great stories

staying friends with the same kids I met 13 years ago

“We didn’t know we were making memories, we just knew we were having fun.”

I am…

curling up in bed with a book on a rainy day

random documentaries that looked interesting

writing at 4am until reality becomes a distant memory

long hot baths that make me ponder how the world even works

drinking coffee even though I know it’s bad for me, and eating the last cookie because I can't say no

burying myself in the Bible because there is always something new to learn

watching Game of Thrones with my brother and getting overly emotional about everything

constantly trying to make myself a better person because life is short and I don’t want to waste it being grumpy and crabby instead of happy