Writer's Dreaming

     Maya Angelou says she doesn't even like to talk about her bad dreams because talking about them "gives them too much power." And I don't really agree with her, because you can't ignore something to make it go away. When I have a bad dream, my mom says, "Куда ночь, туда и сон." which roughly translates to "The dream goes where the night goes." That always really bothered me because I wanted to talk about it and get it out. Personally if I don't talk about something, it doesn't mean it's not running through my mind on high speed. Maya says that talking about it gives it too much power, but I feel that allowing it to gnaw and chew on your mind gives it even more power. When I have a bad dream, I talk about it a lot. I tell anyone who cares to listen, because talking about it lets it out of my system. Talking about it isn't what gives it power, letting it worry you gives it power. 
     But what if you can't talk? After going through a major trauma at a young age of 7, Maya didn't talk for almost 5 years. I don't think I would be able to live that way because I'm a very verbal person. I get extremely nervous if I have to talk in front of a large quantity of people, but I still have to be able to talk about what's on my mind. I'm a very control-freaky type of person. Everything has to be on the dot or I kind of freak out. Without my voice, I just wouldn't able to control things in my life. Many probably think I talk too much, but I just don't care. If I have something on my mind, and there's at least one person present who cares, I will talk. I'm not the greatest at expressing things through my voice, I'm better at doing that through writing, but I have a loud voice and it helps me get what I need. I don't think I'd learn more if I spoke less, because I don't learn well through just listening. I have to talk things through either with someone or myself, to fully understand some things. And I think a person could grow from speaking more. If you give yourself the strength to stand up for yourself, and talk about what you want, and be loud, you'll be a bigger person than you were when you were sitting in the back taking all the abuse going toward you. 
     After not talking for 5 years, however, Maya was comfortable using six or seven languages, and has spoken at one time or another as many as 12. I'm definitely not on Maya's level, but I use 2 languages at a time. I'm fluent in both Russian and English, and I'll admit that my brain is a mess because I think in both languages at the same time. Aside from Russian, I would love to learn French and Romanian because they're just both such beautiful languages. As told from others, Russian sounds angry all the time and I don't argue with that. So French and Romanian would be a beautiful contrast. 
     Maya says she often has "total recall" of the events in her life. I try to be the type of person that remembers everything, but I just can't. I remember almost nothing, until a certain trigger reminds me. In my opinion it's better to be a person who remembers everything because your experiences in life are also your lessons. It's what you learn, and if you can't remember it, what's the point? A lot of my high school years have been kind of fuzzy to me because I honestly started at the very bottom and it has taken me a whole lot of blood, sweat, and tears, to get to where I am now. Where I am now is probably where my memory is most clear. Unfortunately, I have better recall of my bad times than my good times. I think it's like that because time goes slow when you're so upset that your chest hurts, and your jaw is sore from crying. You really sit there and you feel everything happen to you, you feel your blood going through your body, and your heart beating. But when you're happy, you really don't notice time going by. You're so caught up in the heat of the moment, that you don't notice seconds, minutes, and hours flying by. One blink, and time has leaped ahead. Time doesn't wait for anybody, and it's when you're truly dreading time, it's when it goes the slowest. It's like school, time goes by fastest in the classes that you love because you don't notice the time. But you sit down in trig, and time just drags on and on and just doesn't seem to go anywhere.
     Maya quotes Nathaniel West as saying, "Easy reading is damned hard writing" and says writing is "just hard work, you know?" I agree with that, partially. To write a book, or something that's published would be hard writing. You have to put it together in a way where people can read and relate. But when it's 3am, and you got black coffee on the left side of your journal, and tear stains on the right, you don't care what your writing is like. It's not hard work, and you don't sit there for hours wondering what word you should use. When it hits you, and you sit there and you write, it seems like the easiest thing ever, because in that moment you don't care about your grammatical or spelling errors, in that moment you're pouring your heart out, and that's all that matters.